I've been torn in my mind between adding up the cost of this trip to Houston and not worry about crunching the numbers. I did a little math though the other night of some of the expenses we've incurred so far or may yet and it scared me. 

When I thought about what I did it reminded me of Peter and his desire to walk on water in response to Jesus call. He at least had the faith to get out of the boat. Then he looked at the wind and the waves and promptly began sinking. Jesus reached out to him immediately and kept him safe.

It is important to obey and in that obedience to trust God for the unknown, the unseen and also in the delays. And we've had plenty of delays of all sorts and magnitudes. At this moment I'm waiting for another promised return call from a pharmaceutical company to find out if they'll expedite a shipment of one of Larry's medications so we can go home tomorrow or the next day.

I find it hard as a complete rookie in all this that people and companies are so slow and/or stingy in giving you the help you need. Most only tell you the bare minimum when they need to tell you additional information in order to complete some simple process. They could especially offer patients information of what the next step will be or should be. Newbies like me don't always know how to ask good questions.

Somethings have happened much more quickly and less expensively than even the veteran health care industry people expect. Take for instance Larry's infusion the other day. It went well and it finished about 20 minutes quicker than the typical first infusion. Some of his co-pays for medication are very reasonable and the best one is that the lump on the side of his neck is already visibly smaller and softer. Wooohooo.

Yet, I seem to spaz out when it comes to money issues. I tend at times to let those get me down and worrisome. You'd think my own testimony of God coming through for us so many times and ways would not be so easily forgotten.  A woman gave me a good piece of advice once. She said, don't let the balance of your check book or savings account be the barometer of God's love and care for you. 

I love history and I love to read the Old Testament. So I should reread how God took care of Israel in the desert for 40 years in spite of their rebellion. They had food and water, their clothes didn't wear out and as long as they trusted in God He gave them protection from their enemies. That's just one of a multitude of instances recorded in scripture.

I need to remind myself as I have reminded my dear husband through this whole time that God is in control of even the delays. He's not caught unaware. Rather we should look for what He may be doing in the delay instead of fretting. When our enemy-thoughts try to come against us we need to bring them to God even as Hezekiah did when Sennacherib came against the remnant of Judah. 

That's not to say we shouldn't plan and be as prepared as much as possible. But do we really think that within ourselves and with our own limited wisdom and resources we can meet all our own needs? If we could to all that we wouldn't need God. 

"The more you know the less intelligently you pray because you forget to believe that God can alter the difficulties."
Oswald Chamber

The evening we received the news of Larry's diagnosis Pastor Rick read this scripture to us all as we were praying

Cast your burden on the LORD,

and he will sustain you;

he will never permit

the righteous to be moved.

(Psalm 55:22 ESV)

Do you not know have you not heard, has it never been told to you that

My Help Comes from the Lord I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 121

All I can say is amen.

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